The harsh white of the room hurt Andrea’s eyes as she prised them open. She blinked a few times, the strip lights on the ceiling coming into focus and alerting her to the fact that she was back at the army base. As consciousness returned, so did the aching soreness in her body, along with the memories of what had caused it. She couldn’t help the shudder that passed through her as she recalled the intense, paralysing pain she had experienced out on the muddy field. The last thing she could remember were the blue-grey eyes piercing through the gloom of the night and regarding her with surprising compassion in their depths.
Tentatively Andrea tested to see if she could sit up. It was an effort, but she slowly shifted herself up the bed so she was leaning against the metal headrest. As she had guessed, she was in the sickbay at the base. She could see the bald head of Doc Whitman in the corner, the flickering light from his monitor reflecting off the lenses of his glasses. He was the only other occupant of the room and Andrea found she was faintly disappointed at that. Had she really expected to see those same eyes gazing down on her when she woke though?
Doc must have sensed her stirring, as he swung round in his seat at that moment.
“Ah, good, you’re awake at last,” he noted, getting up from his computer to come to her bedside, “How do you feel?”
“Like I’ve been trampled by a herd of elephants,” she replied sardonically.
“You’re lucky it was just elephants then,” he remarked with an air of chastisement, while checking the monitors by the bed, “And not a bunch of hippos and rhinos too.”
Andrea made a small frown at him. “Great bedside manner as always, Doc.”
“Well, you will go and do such stupid things as using your powers when you don’t have your regulator on,” he continued in the manner of a teacher telling off an unruly pupil, “Are you trying to make it difficult for us to keep you alive?”
“No, but it wasn’t my fault this time,” she insisted, before catching herself, “Well, not entirely anyway. I shouldn’t have taken the regulator off, I know, but…I had my reasons. But once I lost it I was hardly going to sit by and let the Major drown just in case I had a seizure.”
“Just in case?” repeated Doc incredulously, “You make it sound like a small trifle. One of these seizures could kill you. In fact this one very nearly did. You were lucky the Major was there with you.”
“Really?” Andrea was intrigued to find out what had happened after she had passed out.
“Yes, she was bawling Chadwick out for dithering about sending the helicopter out to your aid. Even when you got back here she was barking out the orders, not to mention getting completely in our way.”
Andrea’s brow furrowed once more, she wasn’t sure what he meant.
Doc noticed the puzzled look. “She insisted on hanging round the sickbay to make sure you were all right,” he explained, “In the end I had to practically order her to go to bed herself. You can imagine how that went down.”
Despite the dull pain that still wracked her body Andrea couldn’t help the small smile that crossed her face as she tried to picture Doc ordering the Major around.
“So what time is it now?” she asked, noting that she wasn’t wearing her watch or any other of the clothes she had been when she went to the pub on the mainland. Instead she wore a medical gown, the draft up her spine noticeable. She didn’t know why they insisted on making the things so impractical.
“It’s two in the afternoon, you’ve been out of it for about half a day,” he informed her.
Andrea started to swing her legs off the bed. “Well, if you’ve finished prodding me, can I go back to my quarters now?” She still felt as rough as hell, but she didn’t want to stay on public view in her weakened state.
“Hold on!” he cried trying to stop her exit by ineffectually putting his hands up.
She had made it up off the bed and was wobbling unsteadily on her feet past him when the doors to the medical bay swung open. Andrea just had time to see it was the Major before her knees started to give way and she staggered forwards. The Major was quick though, catching her before she hit the hard floor. The Major arms were surprisingly strong, and Andrea had a momentary flashback to the night before and lying in those same arms as they cradled her and comforted her through the pain. Coming back to the present, Andrea suddenly felt the Major’s fingers grazing across the bare skin of her back where her gown gaped open as she tried to get a better hold to keep Andrea up. Andrea found her feet, pulling away and trying to pull her gown around herself as best she could.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” asked the Major. The voice was stern, but with an underlying current of concern.
“To my room,” Andrea replied matter-of-factly.
“Not in that condition you’re not,” the Major replied, “Doc, what are you doing letting her leave?”
“Like I could stop her,” he replied rolling his eyes, “But be my guest, you have a go.”
The Major’s eyes narrowed at him. It appeared she hadn’t forgotten the night before and didn’t welcome his sarcasm now. “Can you give us a moment then?” she said, staring at him the whole time.
He glanced between the two women before sighing and going back to the far corner of the room, out of earshot.
As soon as he was gone Andrea started for the door once more. “Right, well, I’ll be going then,” she said.
The Major’s hand shot out, though it’s grip of Andrea’s arm was gentle. “You don’t have to pretend you’re all right for me,” she said quietly.
Andrea almost fired back a response that she was perfectly fine but bit it back. She could see the soft look in the Major’s eyes and realised there was little point in putting on a façade for the older woman. She had already seen Andrea at her most weak and vulnerable anyway. Plus Andrea didn’t think she could actually make it back upstairs without help, and collapsing in the corridor would be infinitely more embarrassing than backing down at this point. So she stumbled back over to the bed and plonked herself down. Not only did her gown have a huge slit up the back, she noted, but it was also rather short, sitting just above her knees as she waited on the edge of the bed for the Major to join her.
Andrea glanced over as the Major lowered herself onto the covers, the colour of her uniform trousers matching that of the blankets. “Have you come to tell me off too then?” asked Andrea.
“No, I came to thank you.”
Andrea was confused - this was not been what she had been expecting. “I beg your pardon?”
“I said I came to thank you,” the Major repeated, “For saving my life.”
Andrea found herself at a loss for words for a change. “Er…you’re welcome,” she managed eventually and rather stupidly.
“Not that hard is it,” the Major commented cryptically.
Andrea looked at her curiously, her fingers fidgeting distractedly with the hem of her gown, trying to pull it down to maintain some modesty. Not that she was usually bothered about such things, but for some reason it seemed appropriate in front of the Major.
“Being civil,” the Major outlined, “It’s so much easier than all that bickering isn’t it?”
“I suppose it is,” conceded Andrea.
The major waited for her to continue, and before she knew it Andrea’s next words seemed to work their way out of their own accord. “Actually, I wanted to thank you too.” Now she had said it, Andrea supposed she had better put it in context some way. “You know for…helping me out…when I…” she tried to explain before trailing off, finding it hard to admit to her weakness even though the Major had been there.
“It’s all right you can say it, I won’t think any the less of you,” the Major disclosed, “You’re seizures are a fact of your mutation; you don’t have to be ashamed. It was very brave of you to use your powers like that, knowing the risks.”
“Brave or stupid,” suggested Andrea.
“Why are you trying to put yourself down?” the Major asked, shaking her head, “Don’t you want anyone to know you might help someone else for no other reason than simple compassion or kindness?”
“And what makes you think that’s why I did it? Maybe I just didn’t want to chance getting blamed for killing you?”
“I don’t believe that for a moment,” the Major claimed. “How are you feeling anyway?
“I’m all right.”
“And really?” the Major pressed, not taking her eyes off Andrea.
Andrea wondered why it was she now found it impossible to lie to the other woman, at least convincingly. She supposed a shared near-death experience was the sort of thing to tear down a few barriers. “Like crap,” she admitted eventually, giving in under the Major’s intense gaze.
The Major nodded sympathetically. “Well, take your time recovering. You won’t be bothered down here, in case you’re worried about that.”
“But everyone knows what happened?”
“Not all the details, no. They know you went off base, they know I brought you back and that you had a bit of a problem with your powers but that’s it.”
Andrea digested the answer. “So they don’t know why I left?”
“No,” the Major replied simply, “That was your private business, hardly something I was going to share with everyone.”
“Thank you,” said Andrea genuinely.
Andrea hadn’t really thought about Maria until now, but now the reasons behind her behaviour of the night before came crashing back in on her. She went quiet as recollection of her friend filled her mind. The tears that started to well up were hard to hold back and she had to take a couple of shuddering breaths as she did. It was then that she felt the warm hand on her shoulder, stroking gently.
“I know I didn’t really know Maria,” the Major said softly, “But I wanted to say sorry again, and if there’s anything I can do…”
Andrea didn’t register the words immediately. She was too busy concentrating on the calming effect of the simple stroking gesture and suddenly remembering how the Major had so nearly made a much more profound one back in the car. Andrea found herself wishing for the Major to hug her now. She supposed she just needed any comfort she could get at that moment.
“Actually, there is…” she said slowly.
She almost expressed her wish of a moment before out loud, but knew that the Major was hardly going to go around hugging the people under her command. That dark night in the back of the car had been a split second in time; one when anything had seemed possible. They were back in the harsh light of day now.
“Go on,” prompted the Major.
Andrea asked the other thing on her mind instead. “Would I be allowed off the base for something, officially this time?”
The major sucked in her breath. Andrea knew she was most likely pushing it, and that this would prove a stern test of just how far the Major was willing to bend. It would show if she really was as approachable and considerate as Tom kept making out she was or whether she would stick hard and fast to rules and regulations.
“That depends on what it is,” the Major responded warily.
Andrea gathered hope from the fact she hadn’t been shot down straight away. “I was hoping I could go to Maria’s funeral. I mean, obviously I don’t know when or where it is yet, but I would like to go. Since I couldn’t be there for her when she died, the least I could do is be at her funeral.”
The Major looked away for a second as she considered her answer. Andrea’s heart was actually beating that little bit faster, as she hung, waiting for the response.
The Major looked back up, fixing Andrea with her eyes before she answered. “Yes, I think that could be arranged,” she said.
Andrea couldn’t help the small sigh of relief that escaped her lips. “Thank you.”
“Though there is one condition,” the Major quickly added.
Andrea regarded the Major suspiciously. “What do I have to do?”
“It’s nothing like that,” the Major reassured her, “All I ask is that someone goes with you.”
“Oh great,” said Andrea sarcastically, “One of your heavy-handed squaddies gets to come with me. Very sensitive they are, I’m sure. I suppose you want me to be handcuffed to them too, like some common criminal, just in case I leg it?”
“If you’d let me finish,” the Major interrupted, having to raise her voice slightly.
Andrea stopped her tirade, staring unflinchingly at the other woman.
“I was going to suggest that I come with you, unless there’s someone else from my staff you’d prefer.”
Andrea was totally blindsided by the offer.
“I understand what you’re saying about my people,” the Major continued, as Andrea sat dumbstruck, “But they are soldiers after all, not counsellors. Hopefully I might be able to be a bit more inconspicuous and inoffensive. But as I said, if you’d rather someone else…”
“No, you’ll be fine,” Andrea interjected, maybe a little too quickly.
“Good,” commented the Major with a smile.
Andrea hardly heard the rest of the Major’s words as she continued speaking, checking on Andrea and reassuring her that there was no rush to get back to work. She was far too preoccupied by the thought of a trip off the island with the other woman, even if it was for a sombre occasion.
………
It took little under a week for Maria’s funeral to be arranged and, as promised, the Major allowed Andrea the necessary time off for it. Come the day of the funeral Andrea dressed in her smartest black suit and made her way out to the helicopter pad early in the morning. The pad lay on the open ground outside the main complex building and the wind whipped keenly across the concrete, though for once it wasn’t raining.
As she neared the military aircraft that sat waiting for her, the back door opened and the Major hopped out to greet her. The wind caught her hair as soon as she did, pushing the ends of her auburn bob across her cheeks. Andrea was quite surprised to that the Major was out of uniform, sporting a plain black suit, not dissimilar to Andrea’s own, though with one prominent difference. Whereas Andrea wore trousers on her bottom half, the Major wore a form-fitting skirt, cut just below her knee. Still that was more than enough to give Andrea a sight of the Major’s toned calves for the second time. Andrea hadn’t realised until that moment that she had been keeping count.
Getting into the helicopter, the pair exchanged a cursory greeting but Andrea wasn’t really in the mood for a long conversation. It was taking all her willpower to maintain her calm exterior and not submit to her sorrow completely. She had done that in private, but she liked to maintain the illusion of control at least in front of others.
She tried to concentrate on the details of the landscape as they flew south as a means of distraction, noting the changes from mountainous rocks to rolling hills to urban sprawl as they went. The Major for her part remained unobtrusive as she had suggested she would and Andrea was grateful. It could have been awkward, sitting in silence, but it wasn’t. All she got from the Major was the sense that she was happy to leave Andrea to her private thoughts and not intrude.
Andrea recognised the suburbs of London from the air as they neared the closest military airfield to the crematorium. The copter slowly descended and once on the ground they exited the craft to transfer to an unmarked black car to take them the rest of the way. Andrea was surprised by the small nervous pang that skittered through her stomach on clambering into the back as the Major got in the other side. The reminder of the night of their accident was just a little too obvious. Glancing at the Major, Andrea could see a slight pensive look on her features too. She had been so caught up in her own feelings about Maria that she had to remind herself that the other woman had also had a bad experience that night – she had nearly died too after all. Andrea wondered if the Major had talked to anyone about it, or if she was so supremely confident and together that she didn’t need to. She made a mental note to ask her about it at a more opportune moment.
After a winding journey through the typically heaving traffic of outer London, the gates of the crematorium loomed in front of them. Andrea swallowed nervously as they drew up in front of the doors; it was getting harder and harder to maintain her composure. Steeling herself once more she opened the door.
…….
Some time later, Andrea read the platitudes on the numerous bouquets of flowers that littered the ground, though they didn’t really do the woman that had been Maria justice. Not that there was anything that could really do justice to someone who had been so vibrant and full of life she considered.
The rest of the congregation had moved off by now, and she was one of the last stragglers, having waited until now so she could come and have some time alone with her thoughts, without being bothered by people asking where she had been and what she had been doing for the last month or so. She didn’t want such things to distract from what was supposed to be Maria’s day.
Of course she had spotted a fair few eyes turning to note her presence at the start of the ceremony, even though she and the Major had taken up a position in the back row of the crematorium’s chapel. The chapel was packed and quite a few of the attendees were fellow police officers who knew who Andrea was, if only in passing. During the service, Andrea had avoided the stares, keeping her eyes resolutely trained on the ground, attempting her best to hold back her grief. Most of the ceremony had washed over her - the hymns, the readings, the succession of friends and colleagues getting up to pay their respects and share their reminiscences of Maria. Andrea knew they all meant well, and there had been a few times when the words had hit just that little too close too home. At those times she had felt the tears threatening to spill again as they had done at intervals over the past week.
The Major had remained silently by her side throughout, leaving Andrea to her mourning on her own until near the very end. Then Maria’s partner in the force had gotten up to speak. Andrea knew him - they had been out for drinks and meals together, Mike, Maria and her on several occasions. He was a good man, and Andrea knew Maria thought the world of him. So when his voice caught during the middle of his speech, Andrea could feel his pain. Here at last was someone who really knew Maria, not just one of her bosses who had been sent to give the official line. Finally Andrea was undone and she allowed the tears to slip down her cheeks though she still never looked up. Sniffing quietly to herself, she suddenly found a hand on her shoulder – squeezing, reassuring. The Major hadn’t said anything; she didn’t need to. It was enough to just know she was there.
Now they were outside, she had shown similar compassion by moving off somewhere while Andrea read the cards on the flowers. Andrea heard some steps behind her and assumed it was the Major come to tell her it was time to go. When she swung round she was momentarily stymied.
The woman in front of her raised her eyebrows. “Not the kind of response I normally expect from you.”
Andrea gathered her wits again to reply. “Sorry, I didn’t expect to see you here,” she explained, before realising some sort of greeting was in order. “Hello, Meg,” she added, leaning forwards to quickly kiss her former girlfriend on the cheek.
“Hello to you too, Andi,” said Meg using the shortened name that a lot of Andrea’s friends did, “It’s good to see you, despite the circumstances.”
“You too,” replied Andrea automatically, though she wasn’t sure if it was true. She was off-balance and unprepared for seeing Meg. She found herself staring for a moment, noting that the other woman had gotten her hair cut since they had split up some six months previously. Her near-black hair was now in a trendy jagged cut, revealing more of her face and her fine features.
“I can’t believe it happened,” remarked Meg, her dark eyes drifting down to the flowers, absently scanning them.
“No,” replied Andrea distantly. Maybe Meg wouldn’t press her on anything else if she kept her responses short. And maybe pigs would fly.
“Where have you been, Andi?”
“Meg, please, not now,” said Andrea quietly, “We’re here to remember Maria.”
“And I have. We all have for the past week, but where have you been?”
“I’ve been busy.”
“Too busy for your friends?”
“That’s not fair, it’s complicated.”
“Really, and how complicated can something be that you’re not even around when your best friend dies.”
“I really can’t talk about it.”
“Now that’s convenient. You disappear off the face of the earth for weeks then suddenly just swan back down here when it suits you?”
“Look, Meg, I don’t really know why I should have to answer to you - you’re not my girlfriend any more!”
The hurt look on Meg’s face confirmed to Andrea what she had already suspected – Meg was still hoping for some sort of reconciliation between the two of them. It was never going to happen from Andrea’s point of view, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t at least be kind to the woman she had shared her life with for over two years.
“I’m sorry,” said Andrea, more gently now, “I didn’t mean to snap. Believe me, I wish I could have been here. I’ve played it over and over in my mind, thinking perhaps I could have done something to save her if I’d been around. But…things have happened. Things I’m not at liberty to explain.”
Andrea supposed she could try and explain the situation to Meg, since for once she didn’t have anyone listening in. In fact this was probably the perfect opportunity to let someone else know where she was and what was going on. Yet something held her back. The Major had been kind enough to trust her on her own and it wouldn’t be right to betray that trust. Not to mention the fact that Meg was notoriously bad at keeping secrets. It would be round the other nurses at the hospital before you could say superbug.
“It all sounds very mysterious,” Meg noted, “Though it also sounds like I’m not going to get anything else out of you on the subject.”
“I’m afraid not,” confirmed Andrea. “So, how have you been?” she asked for want of a better way of getting off the current topic.
“Fine, working hard as usual,” replied Meg.
“And outside work?” Andrea pressed on receiving the non-commital response.
“Are you asking if I’ve got a new girlfriend?”
Andrea shrugged as an answer; Meg knew full well that was indeed what she was asking. Even if she didn’t want to be with Meg anymore, Andrea couldn’t help but be curious.
Eventually Meg shook her head, “No, there’s no one new. And how about you? Was that woman with you…?”
The question trailed off and a look of confusion passed across Andrea’s face, the young woman having to think for a minute to deduce what Meg was referring to.
“Oh, you mean the M…,” she finally realised, stopping herself before she revealed the Major’s identity, or at least her rank and the fact that she was in the army. “No,” she added, holding back a smile, “I can safely say she is not my girlfriend.”
Meg didn’t look convinced though. “Really? You looked very close during the service.”
“What are you talking about?” Andrea asked, puzzled.
“When she was stroking your shoulder.”
“She wasn’t ‘stroking’ it,” stated Andrea adamantly, “It was purely a comforting gesture. She’s just a colleague, that’s all.”
“If you say so,” said Meg, “No need to get all defensive about it.”
“I’m not…” Andrea stopped, seeing immediately how she was proving Meg’s point. “Look can we stop talking about her.”
“If you want, but is there anything you can talk about? How about how you’ve been. I did hear about what happened with your colleagues in the force.”
“You did, how?”
“From Maria of course.”
Andrea sighed. “Of course.” She didn’t know how could she have forgotten that Maria was Meg’s friend even before they had been. It was Maria who’d introduced the pair of them.
“I’m sorry, Andi, it must have been awful. Is that why you’ve been away all this time?”
“Partly,” allowed Andrea. It was funny how times changed. Once upon a time she would have been baring her soul to Meg, or at least as much as she would allow herself to. Andrea had always held something back, even then, unwilling to trust someone just that final step, to allow them to see the very depths of her feelings.
“You can talk to me, you know,” said Meg, as if reading her mind, “If you want to.”
“I know, and maybe I will, just not right now. Everything’s still too raw, and what with Maria as well…”
Meg nodded. “I understand, just give me a call when or if you change your mind.”
“Thanks, Meg,” said Andrea, reaching out to touch Meg on the arm. “It does mean a lot to me, to know I do still have some friends, out…”
Meg caught the abrupt cut-off of the sentence. “Out where?”
“It doesn’t matter,” said Andrea evasively.
“Ok,” said Meg, having worked out by then that there were some things Andrea just couldn’t discuss. “By the way, I thought you might like to know, I’ve got Gerry.”
“Oh my god!” cried Andrea, slapping her forehead as she remembered her cat. Maria had been looking after him. “I’d completely forgotten about him.”
“Hmm, lucky for you some of us aren’t so forgetful,” Meg remarked, though it was a friendly admonishment, “Whenever you’re ready you can have him back.”
“Looks like I owe you again,” said Andrea with a smile, patting Meg’s arm once more.
……..
The Major paced across the car park, wondering how much longer she should give Andrea. She checked her watch for what must have been the twentieth time and decided she’d probably had long enough. They were already much later than they were supposed to have been, but since she was the boss no one was going to be complaining. As she made her way round to the side of the building, she considered that probably wasn’t strictly true. No doubt Chadwick would grumble as usual. Sometimes she thought he forgot exactly who held the higher rank. Or maybe he just forgot that he had been demoted prior to being moved to the island base, and held higher notions of his importance than he had in reality.
Rounding the corner the Major got a slight shock when she saw that Andrea was talking to someone. She had thought all the other mourners had left, which was one of the reasons she’d agreed to let the young woman go off on her own for a while. Neither of the them had seen the Major yet and she studied the woman talking to Andrea for minute, wondering who she was. She was markedly different in appearance to Andrea, shorter with cropped black hair. The pair of them seemed to be sharing a joke as Andrea smiled and then started stroking the other woman’s arm.
The Major had seen enough and approached to speak to them.
“Andrea,” she said as she came near, drawing both of their attention, “It’s time to go.”
Andrea looked a bit surprised to find the Major there, while the other woman had an entirely different expression. She was regarding the Major with a mixture of suspicion and something else unidentifiable but not favourable.
“Right, yes, of course,” said Andrea, recovering. “I’ll give you a call,” she quickly said to the dark-haired woman, giving her a peck on the cheek before she joined the Major.
As they walked back to the car, the Major could swear the mystery woman’s eyes were boring into her back the whole way. She didn’t press Andrea on who she was; it was hardly an appropriate time for searching questions. Though she had to admit she was keen to know, if for no other reason than to check she wasn’t a security risk.
They sat in silence on the way to the airfield; the Major supposing Andrea was lost in her grieving thoughts once more as she gazed out the window. The Major found her own eyes drifting to the countryside rushing by.
“You’re not going to ask who that was then?”
Andrea had surprised her by being the first to talk, and the Major turned to face her across the back seat. Andrea had both eyebrows raised as she regarded the Major inquisitively.
“I didn’t like to pry,” the Major answered diplomatically.
“But you wanted to?” Andrea seemed more interested than anything else.
“She was giving me a rather strange look,” the Major noted by means of an excuse for her curiosity.
Andrea actually laughed at that. “Yes, I noticed that too.”
The Major waited for further explanation.
“That was Meg,” Andrea clarified, “My ex-girlfriend.”
“Right,” remarked the Major. She’d heard rumours about Andrea’s sexuality not to mention the strange snippet of conversation with Tom and Harry in the messhall some weeks ago regarding lesbians. Of course, she didn’t like to engage in idle gossip herself, though it seemed the gossip was true in this case. “That doesn’t explain the dirty looks though,” she pondered.
“It doesn’t?” queried Andrea. The Major stared back at her blankly and Andrea rolled her eyes. “Do I have to spell it out? I think she thought that perhaps you were my new girlfriend.”
“What?” exclaimed the Major, shocked.
“It’s all right, I set her straight, so to speak,” Andrea reassured her.
“Well, good,” said the Major, slightly unsure where to take the conversation at that point.
“You make it sound like a bad thing, being confused for a lesbian.”
“What…er….no. Of course there’s nothing wrong with it…” the Major offered hurriedly. She didn’t know what was wrong with her, it wasn’t as if she was a prude, but it was all she could do not to blush talking about such things with Andrea.
“I’m teasing you,” Andrea suddenly revealed with a wry grin, “To try and lighten the mood.”
“Oh, right, good one,” the Major remarked with a nervous smile. She wondered if she could sound more like an idiot if she tried. She needed to try and regain some control on the conversation. “She was a friend of Maria’s too then, I presume?”
“Yes, they’d known each other since school. It was Maria who introduced the two of us actually. I think she was almost more upset than us when it didn’t work out.” Andrea made a rueful laugh at the recollection before turning her head away to gaze out the window once more.
Though all she had was the view of the back of her blond head, The Major could hear Andrea’s shallow breathing, guessing the memory had brought thoughts of her friend to the fore again.
After a few moments of silence, Andrea swivelled back round. “It probably seems silly to you, being so affected by a friend’s death,” she remarked.
The Major frowned. “What do you take me for, some sort of heartless military robot? I am human being; I do have some understanding of grief.”
“Sorry, of course you do,” said Andrea apologetically, “I didn’t mean to be rude, that came out a bit wrong. I meant it more from the point of view that you must have lost people a few times in your line of work; they must prepare you for it.”
“The same could be said of the police force. And believe me, no amount of knowing it might happen and preparation can ready you for the harsh reality of losing someone you care about or someone under your command. It hits you just as hard every time, all those feelings of regret, guilt and remorse.”
Andrea was regarding her with interest, her pale blue eyes searching the Major’s face. The Major suspected she had let the tone of her voice reveal her own recently rekindled emotions regarding her father’s death. She tried to rein it in as she continued.
“What I’m saying is you don’t need to pretend it didn’t happen. If you need any more time, or someone to talk to, just let me know.” The Major suspected that Andrea would turn down the offer but she wanted to make it anyway. The young woman still hadn’t sought any help over the death of her other colleagues and that had been over a month ago. The Major considered that she would just have to keep gently pressing until Andrea was ready.
“I will, but not right now, ok.”
“Ok.”
“What I really need is a holiday,” commented Andrea with a shake of the head, “Some time away from all of this.” The Major didn’t think it was a serious comment, more just an outward expression of frustration.
“Well, I can’t make any promises about holidays, but how about a day trip off the island?”
The Major wasn’t quite sure why she was making the offer, but now she had she could see that Andrea looked interested and not a little taken aback that it had been made.
“Not on your own, obviously,” clarified the Major.
“Obviously,” agreed Andrea, “Someone would need to come with me.”
They both knew what she meant, though the Major hadn’t necessarily intended that it be her originally. Now Andrea had assumed that it was, though, she could see the sense in it and an idea was already forming in her mind.
“How do you feel about sailing?”
Andrea looked bemused. “Sailing?”
“Yes, boat, sea, wind – sailing.”
“Well, I’ve never been,” confessed Andrea, “But I’m up for new experiences. You have a boat don’t you?”
“Indeed I do, and I’m sure Mr Parsons has filled you in on all its details,” noted the Major with a small smile.
“He might have mentioned it,” revealed Andrea cagily, “So when do we set sail?”
“How about next Saturday?”
………
Andrea hurried down the steps to the ground floor lobby. She was late. She had been running on time but then had come the troubling decision over what to wear. Andrea had never have been sailing before and didn’t want to make a faux pas by wearing something unsuitable – she hated to make mistakes. Of course she could have asked the Major, but that would have been admitting defeat, so instead she’d used her powers of deduction and reasoning. She was pretty sure that getting wet was most likely part of the deal, in which case something practical was definitely in order. In the end she’d settled for a pair of navy combat style trousers – they would dry reasonably quickly unlike any of her jeans. On top she wore a plain white t-shirt and a fleece jumper for warmth. Though it was a sunny day, it was still only April and once they were out on the water it would no doubt be chilly. Finally she wore a waterproof and windproof Karrimor jacket over the top. The jacket was probably the most practical item of clothing she possessed. She’d bought it on a whim when Meg had suggested a short break at a cottage in Wales, which included walking the hills. Andrea had never been much of the outdoors type – she was too much of a city girl - but everyone made compromises when they were in love. The driving Welsh rain that had battered them most of the weekend had only served to reaffirm Andrea’s belief that the countryside should be left to the cows and sheep.
Leaping down the last couple of steps, Andrea thought for a moment that she’d beaten the Major there after all. It took a couple of seconds for her to register that the casually dressed figure by the main door was indeed the older woman. Andrea actually found herself stopping in her tracks as she regarded the other woman, who hadn’t yet noticed Andrea’s presence. The Major looked more relaxed than Andrea had ever seen her, even her bobbed hair seemed more carefree than usual. The spring sunlight streamed through the large windows at the front of the building, flickering off the red strands. The Major must have sensed the silent perusal as she swung round at that moment. Andrea was completely unprepared for the broad smile that crossed the Major’s face – she had been expecting a rebuke for her tardiness. It was only when the Major’s expression changed to one of bemusement that Andrea realised she was still staring.
“Is everything all right?” queried the Major.
“Yes, fine,” replied Andrea, crossing the last few steps to the Major, “Sorry I’m a bit late,” she added, trying to regain her composure. Andrea noted that the Major wore similar clothes to her own – some hard wearing cotton trousers plus a red and black waterproof jacket. She was pleased that it appeared she had picked her attire correctly.
“No problem,” said the Major, “It’s meant to be a day off, so there’s no need for schedules and timetables today. But if you’re ready, the boat’s waiting to take us to the mainland.”
“Great, though I do have to warn you I know nothing about sailing,” Andrea told her as they made for the door.
“That’s ok, I’m sure I can whip you into shape in no time.”
Andrea quickly dampened down the meandering thoughts the offhand remark generated, following the Major out the door and turning for the dock. “Before we go, I’d just like to thank you again, Major, for inviting me. It’s good to get off the island for a break.”
“It’s my pleasure,” the other woman replied, “But we should get one thing straight before we go.”
“Oh?”
“Since I’m off duty and this is meant to be a relaxing day out, I can hardly have you calling me Major all day – Kate will be fine.”
“It will?” asked Andrea, too taken aback to stop the words spilling out of her mouth.
“Is there a problem with that?”
Andrea found herself flummoxed for the second time that morning. She didn’t know where her normal composure had disappeared to, but it was most disconcerting. “Er, no, of course not…” she had to pause to get the name right, “…Kate.” It seemed strange referring to the Major that way – it was so…personal.
The Major actually laughed at Andrea’s stuttering reply. “There you go, not so difficult. You know, sometimes I forget I have a first name with everyone calling me Major all day.”
Andrea wondered if the Major had ever allowed any of the other superhumans to call her by her first name. Somehow she suspected not, since from what she had garnered from Tom she was the first to be invited anywhere off base by the Major. The young man had practically fainted when Andrea had told him about her planned trip on the Dorset Flyer. He had been angling for a ride on the boat for months without success and now Andrea had come along and in a few weeks had succeeded where he had failed. Tom hadn’t been able to resist making some jibes about Andrea being the Major’s new favourite that Andrea had ignored. At least she had ignored them at the time. Now she couldn’t help replaying them in her mind and wondering if they were true. The idea that they might be gave her a certain warm, smug sensation.
………..
Forty-five minutes later they were in Troon, making their way along a wooden jetty past a long procession of expensive look yachts that bobbed gently in the calm waters of the harbour. Andrea did wonder exactly how an army Major could afford one of them. However, she didn’t think she was quite friendly enough with the other woman yet for it not to be considered rude if she asked. Finally the major stopped at the back of a sleek white yacht.
“Here she is, the Dorset Flyer,” said the Major with no small degree of pride as she gestured to the boat.
“She?” queried Andrea, looking at the inanimate yacht.
The Major made a small laugh. “I know it’s not very politically correct these days, but boats will always be female in my mind and those of most other sailors too. They’re far too temperamental to be anything else.”
Now it was Andrea’s turn to laugh at the comparison. She glanced at the boat again, taking a moment to study it. It was about thirty-five feet long, with a tall mast towering out from the centre of the boat. The sail was down at the moment, and Andrea assumed it got unfurled once they were out in the clear water. The were lots of ropes and wires running from the mast to various points of the deck, and she guessed she would be finding out what they were all used for in due course. At the rear there was a sunken cockpit area that had a wheel in the centre and a seating area arranged around this. A couple of steps descended from there to the cabin below deck. Right at the back of the ship the boat’s name was emblazoned on the fibre glass hull, below which was the word “Weymouth”. Andrea’s knowledge of boats just about extended to knowing that this was the port where the boat would have been registered. She wondered if it held any particular significance, but again held back from asking what could be considered too personal a question. The Major certainly seemed to be showing all the signs of extending the hand of friendship, if her relaxed demeanour was anything to go by, and Andrea guessed she would just see how things developed over the course of the day. Maybe there would be a chance for more probing questions later.
Ironically, the Major was now literally offering Andrea her hand, having already stepped aboard. Andrea tentatively put a foot on the gangplank and instinctively took the hand without thinking. The Major’s fingers were surprisingly delicate, the skin warm and soft in Andrea’s grasp. Having stepped onto the rear decking area, Andrea suddenly realised she had been holding on far too long and quickly let go, trying to hide the fact by making a throwaway comment.
“She certainly is impressive,” she said, casting her eyes along the boat.
The Major showed no signs of thinking anything untoward about Andrea’s clutching of her hand moments before. “Thank you,” she replied with a smile, “Now, are you ready to work?”
……
It wasn’t long before Andrea knew why the Major had made the comment. She had thought sailing would just involve a bit of sitting around on a boat, soaking up the sun while you pottered slowly across the sea having a nice, relaxing time. She had been unprepared for the reality of all the ropes and levers she’d been required to pull, tighten and wind. They’d only been out of the harbour for twenty minutes but the palms of her hands were already starting to ache, unused to the physical work.
“Can’t I have some gloves?” asked Andrea, securing a main sail rope around a capstan. Of course, she hadn’t known that was the name of the things the ropes went around until the Major had told her, but since leaving port Andrea had received a crash course in all things nautical. Her mind was now awash with a gamut of sailing terminology from port and starboard bows, through to jibs, main sails and tacking.
“I’m afraid not,” answered the Major from her position at the wheel, “They might get caught in the winding mechanism and then it would be goodbye fingers.”
Andrea made a small grunt of disapproval, noting the smile that twitched at the Major’s lips as she did. She made her way carefully back along the top of the boat, hopping down into the cockpit. “When do I get a chance to drive?” she asked, looking eagerly at the wheel.
“Maybe in a little while,” allowed the Major, “Once the Captain’s satisfied you’re an able seaman.”
Andrea could swear the Major had actually winked as she’d said the words.
“For now I need you to go and tighten that flapping jib,” continued the Major.
Andrea stood up straight, making a theatrical salute. “Aye, aye, Captain!”
The Major’s laugh was just audible over the wind as Andrea clambered to the bow of the boat to carry out the order. Though Andrea was normally the first to challenge authority, she also knew when to defer to someone of greater experience and knowledge.
Despite her earlier moaning, Andrea had to admit that sailing was proving to be much more exciting than she might have imagined. She had only really agreed to come along to spend some time away from the base, but now she was there she was beginning to see the appeal of sailing. It was certainly exhilarating – that sense of freedom as you sliced effortlessly through the waves was a powerful and uplifting feeling. Even the cold wind whipping past her cheeks and tugging at her hair, along with the salty spray in her face only seemed to add to the ambience of it.
As she reached the appropriate rope she cast a quick glance back down the boat. The contented look on the Major’s face as she looked out to sea seemed to suggest she was experiencing similarly calming sensations. Andrea couldn’t make out her eyes, since the other woman wore sunglasses to protect from the glare of the sun off the waves, but her smile as her auburn hair flapped freely about her face was unmistakable. Andrea knew she was staring again and turned her attention to the handle she needed to wind. With her enhanced strength it was easy to overcome the resistance of the sail. She was concentrating so hard on doing it right that she didn’t hear the first shout, only glancing up as the second, more frantic one came.
“Andrea! Look Out!”
It was too late for Andrea to avoid the swinging boom. She caught a brief flash of white out of the corner of her eye before the metal pole thumped into her head. She was catapulted straight over the guardrail, landing with a loud splash in the sea. It was freezing. Absolutely, bone-bitingly freezing.
Andrea flapped about frantically, trying to right herself as her lifejacket carried her to the surface. Then she came to her senses, realising there really was no need to panic. Not only was she a more than competent swimmer but, of course, she could fly too. She flew easily out of the water, swooping over to the Flyer, which the Major was in the process of bringing about in order to pick her up. The Major looked stunned for a moment as Andrea landed lightly next to her, as if she too had forgotten Andrea’s powers. Then she was glancing anxiously around, scanning the horizon, before letting out a sigh of relief.
“What’s up?” asked Andrea, dripping water all over the boards of the cockpit floor from her drenched clothes.
“I was just checking there was no one around to catch that little display. You really shouldn’t use your powers in public like that.”
“You would rather I had floated around in the cold sea?” Andrea replied with a hint of annoyance.
“No, of course not. I would have come back and got you, if you’d just waited.”
“Well, pardon me for wanting to get out of that freezing water as quick as possible,” said Andrea tetchily. She couldn’t stop the shiver that shot through her at that moment. Now she was on the exposed deck the wind was cutting through her sodden clothes as if they weren’t there.
The Major’s face softened as she caught the involuntary movement. “Sorry, you’re cold,” she said, “You should get out of those wet things.”
The Major pressed some buttons on the control panel in front of the wheel, before letting go and gesturing Andrea towards the steps to the cabin. “I just get a little anxious about any eye witnesses to our activities,” she explained as she pushed open the door.
“It’s all right,” Andrea found herself saying, “I should be more careful.” She puzzled at her own words – a few weeks ago she would have been continuing the argument, maybe just for the hell of it. Perhaps she was getting tired of being obdurate for no reason.
As she ducked inside, Andrea saw that the main cabin was surprisingly spacious and actually quite luxurious. At the foot of the steps there was a small l-shaped kitchen area off to the right, while on the opposite side there was an area of electronic equipment for charting and navigation. Beyond this, the cabin opened out into a seating area with comfy blue-cushioned sofas built into the walls on either side while a wooden table sat in the centre. It was polished so that the wood reflected the light from the small windows above the sofa backs and the large skylight in the ceiling. The latter gave her a view of the billowing sail outside. Matching wood also adorned the floor and the walls until about halfway up where it gave way to plain white. The wood was a dark orange colour and Andrea thought it might have been teak, but she was hardly an expert on yacht interiors. At the far end was a door that Andrea assumed led to a bedroom. The Major was heading that way now and Andrea caught a glimpse of some blue bedding as she opened the door. Unsure whether to follow or not, Andrea just stood in the centre of the dining area. She didn’t really want to sit down and make the sofas wet.
The Major returned shortly, handing a towel and some clothes to Andrea. “I know I’m not quite your size, but it’s better than sitting in cold things.”
Andrea accepted the garments, regarding the Major curiously when she didn’t move away. Was she expecting Andrea to change in front of her? Andrea wasn’t normally bashful, but she found herself nervous at that prospect. Before Andrea had to conquer her uncharacteristic shyness, the Major suddenly started as if realising her own mistake.
“Oh, sorry, I’ll leave you to it for a minute,” she said hurriedly, “Feel free to use the bedroom or the bathroom,” she added, almost tripping up the steps as she exited the cabin.
Andrea watched in bemusement for a moment, before starting to strip off. She resisted the temptation to go and nose round the rest of the boat, though it went against her natural instincts. For one the Major might come back in and catch her rooting through the drawers and secondly it was hardly polite when she was the other woman’s guest. A couple of minutes later she had changed into the dry clothes, noting that the Major had been right – the fit wasn’t exactly great, especially in the trouser department. The hem of those sat somewhere just above Andrea’s ankle bone. She was slipping a soft, woollen jumper over her head when the Major came back in. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the too-short trousers and Andrea could see her desperately trying to stifle a snigger. Andrea put her hands on her hips and tried to look annoyed, though she had to admit she did look pretty silly.
“Sorry, sorry,” said the Major with her best attempt at a straight face, “You look fine, just like a proper sailor in fact.”
Andrea sighed and ran her hands through her damp hair, securing it back into a ponytail once more. “It’s you fault anyway,” she noted, “Sending that boom in my direction.”
“Yes, sorry about that,” agreed the Major, “But jibes like that just happen sometimes.”
“Jibes?”
“Uncontrolled boom movements, usually when the wind suddenly changes direction. Why don’t you sit down so I can check your head, you took quite a whack there.”
Andrea perched herself on the left-hand sofa, the Major sitting down next to her. Andrea had to turn her head to allow the Major access to her forehead. Andrea suddenly found herself looking directly into the other woman’s eyes. She had never been close enough to study them before but she couldn’t help doing so now. She could see that they were a pale blue, almost shading to grey and Andrea felt herself drawn into their mesmerising depths, her breathing becoming shallower as she almost forgot to continue the normally subconscious activity. It was a good job the Major was busy scanning Andrea’s forehead or she might have noticed the hypnotic effect she was having on the young woman.
Andrea got a shock when one of the Major’s hands went up to gently brush the skin above her left eye. She realised she must have taken an audible intake of breath at the sudden contact when the Major’s eyes flicked down to meet hers.
“Does it hurt?” she asked with concern.
“Only a little,” replied Andrea, playing along with the Major’s assumption that it was the pain that had caused her to flinch, “I’ll be fine, really.”
“If you’re sure?” checked the Major, pulling back her hand and regarding Andrea. When Andrea nodded the Major rose off the sofa, heading over to the galley area. “How about I make you a drink then, to warm you up?” she suggested, reaching into the cupboards, “It was tea wasn’t it?”
“Yes, that’s right, milk one sugar” replied Andrea, surprised the Major remembered from the one time they had shared a cup.
The Major busied herself making the drinks. Before Andrea knew what she was doing she was gently feeling her own forehead where the Major’s fingers had grazed it moments earlier, as if there would be some trace of the other woman’s touch. When the Major started talking over her shoulder, Andrea quickly dropped her hand.
“You know, you’re not a proper sailor until you’ve been knocked overboard by the boom.”
“Does that mean you have?”
The Major laughed. “Countless times!” she confessed.
“You do a lot of sailing then?” queried Andrea.
“I try to get out most weekends. I don’t like to leave the old girl all tied up with nowhere to go for too long, she starts to get antsy.”
Andrea smiled once more at the likening of the boat to a woman, and one with moods at that. The Major brought the finished drinks back over to the sofa, handing Andrea her tea and placing her own coffee on the table.
“Thank you, Major…Kate.” Andrea corrected herself instantly, though it still didn’t seem quite right to use the informal name. To her the other woman was still the Major.
The Major smiled slightly at the unease with which Andrea used her name. She undid her sturdy jacket and cast it off onto the other sofa, running her hands through her windswept hair. The light from above played over the auburn strands as they drifted through the Major’s fingers and Andrea wondered how anyone’s hair could look so good when it had been battered mercilessly by the elements. The Major’s eyes shifted down to the couch and Andrea quickly busied herself with examining her cup, hoping the other woman hadn’t caught her staring yet again. Andrea didn’t know why her eyes kept ending up on the other woman all the time; it was like she held some magnetic power over them.
The Major sat down next to her and Andrea had to practically force herself to remain looking at the drink rather than immediately turning. Andrea took a sip of the tea, her brow creasing slightly as it passed down her throat with an unusual but pleasant warming sensation. She peered up inquisitively at the Major.
“I took the liberty of adding a little something for a bit of extra warmth,” the Major explained.
“It’s…different,” Andrea noted, taking another tentative sip.
“Different bad, or different good?”
Andrea savoured the taste for a minute. “Definitely good,” she finally concluded, “Rum is it?”
The Major grinned and picked up her own drink. “Of course,” she confirmed, “See, you’re well on the way to being a real sailor now, we’ll have you splicing the main brace before you know it.”
Andrea didn’t know what that was, but the way the Major said it, it certainly sounded appealing. Mind you the Major seemed to have the knack of making most things sound appealing when she employed her soft, husky voice as she was doing now. She could have been asking Andrea to run into a brick wall and she would probably have obliged.
Mentally shaking herself, Andrea tried to focus on the conversation. “Did you ever think you chose the wrong career?” she asked half-jokingly, “Surely you would have been better off in the navy.”
“No, this is my hobby, something to enjoy when I want to unwind and get away from the pressures of my job,” explained the Major, “Not that I don’t enjoy my job,” she added.
“You seemed a bit quick to add that on there,” noted Andrea, “Like you were almost trying to convince yourself.” Andrea found it hard to curb her natural tendency to probe and question. Luckily for once the Major didn’t seem to be perturbed by it. Andrea supposed that maybe she was still feeling guilty about the boom incident.
In fact the Major merely shrugged at the remark. “Like all jobs it can be difficult sometimes,” she confessed honestly, “Trying to juggle differing responsibilities and demands, but equally the challenge is what makes it exciting. Of course things are always trickier when we get troublesome new arrivals.”
Andrea met the pale blue eyes, seeing the hint of humour in them. It really was amazing the transformation that had occurred in their relationship, with just a bit of give from both of them. Who would have thought they would be able to joke about it like this when they had first met nearly six weeks previously.
“Ok, I’m willing to admit I may have been a touch obstinate when I first arrived,” conceded Andrea.
The Major lifted her brows. “A touch?” she asked sceptically.
“All right, a lot!” Andrea allowed with a roll of the eyes, “But you try watching a load of your friends being killed and then being told you’re a mutant with super powers that has to stay locked up on some island.”
The Major’s face fell immediately and Andrea could have kicked herself. She hadn’t meant to be so scathing, especially when they seemed to be getting on so well. The words had escaped before she’d time to think properly. It was just another indication of how being so close to the other woman seemed to have a disarming effect on her.
“Not that I hold you responsible,” Andrea added to try and explain her words, “I know you’re just doing your job, and I can appreciate why you and the powers that be thought it necessary, now I’ve had more time to think about it. Who knows what would happen if this was public knowledge not to mention what you told me about those underground groups.”
The Major looked like she was about to say something, as if Andrea had got the wrong end of the stick and she was going to correct her, but she held back. Andrea was curious, but felt unable to press too far in what was still a fledgling friendship, especially after her initial tactless remarks.
Even as they crossed her mind she had to digest those thoughts of friendship. She realised that not only did she regard her relationship with the Major as one, but that she was actually bothered about how it progressed too. To avoid any more uncomfortable subjects, Andrea decided to try and segway into a different topic.
“So, how long have you been in the army anyway?” she asked amiably, drinking some more of the alcohol tinged tea.
“Fifteen years.”
“Blimey!” cried Andrea, “So you joined up when you were what…eighteen?”
A small smile curved the Major’s lips. “Are you fishing for my age or just trying to flatter me?”
“Just curious,” replied Andrea innocently.
The Major eyed her with friendly suspicion for a moment before answering. “I signed up when I was twenty-one,” she said, “Which makes me thirty-five, thirty-six this July, to save you doing the arithmetic,” she added with a sly grin.
Andrea hadn’t been about to attempt any complex maths anyway. Her mind was far too preoccupied with watching the way the Major’s lips made the crooked grin. Andrea was beginning to realise that this one was the genuine article, not one she might employ when trying to be nice to someone for the sake of it.
“That’s a long time to be in the army,” noted Andrea, “You must be dedicated.”
“You could say that, though some people might just think I was crazy. I know it’s not very fashionable to be seen as patriotic, but I always wanted to serve my country, do my duty, ever since I was a young girl.”
Andrea was finding it more and more difficult to actually listen to the words of the conversation with all the other external stimuli she was receiving just watching the Major. Now she was taking the time to observe the other woman up close, she saw that she was blessed with a host of different mannerisms that Andrea had never noticed before. Or maybe it was just that they came out when the Major was relaxed. Yet none of them were annoying, quite the reverse, in fact. They made her seem more open, more human. Andrea admitted that some of them could even be regarded as “cute”. Take the way the Major’s fingers were currently toying absently with the rim of her mug. Andrea didn’t know how she was supposed to make intelligent conversation in the face of such distractions; finally she kick-started her mouth once more.
“Did you have family in the army?”
The Major’s brow knitted together, puzzling at the shift in the questioning. “What makes you say that?”
“Nothing in particular,” Andrea explained, “But it sounds like you were quite passionate about it, and that often stems from a desire to emulate someone.”
“In which case, I have to say it’s very perceptive of you,” conceded the Major, “My father was in the army.”
Andrea was pleased to be classed as perceptive by the Major, particularly when it had been more a random remark on her part in the first place. She had only really made it while enraptured with studying the Major’s hands. She knew she shouldn’t have thought about them again now when her eyes started sweeping downwards once more. She forced herself to look up.
“He must be very proud of you and what you’ve accomplished,” she managed to say, surprised she could even remember what they were talking about.
The silence that filled the cabin was noticeable, only the sound of the waves lapping against the hull breaking it. The Major had glanced away, looking distant.
“Did I say something wrong?” queried Andrea, concerned. She knew she should have paid more attention to the discussion and not let her mind wander so. She steeled herself to concentrate from now on.
“No,” said the Major quietly at first, still studying the wooden boards of the floor intently. “You weren’t to know,” she said with more conviction, taking a deep breath before she continued. “He’s dead now, he died just over a year ago.”
“I’m sorry,” said Andrea. She didn’t really know the Major, but she knew enough to be able to tell his death had obviously hit her hard. “I’m sure he was proud of you when he was alive.”
Andrea cringed inwardly, thinking the words sounded hollow coming from a near stranger but the Major seemed to take some comfort in them. Andrea was glad – the Major had helped her at Maria’s funeral, just by being there more than anything else, so if she could repay her kindness in some small way then that was better than nothing.
“I hope he was,” noted the Major softly, still adrift on her thoughts somewhere. Andrea didn’t interrupt just waiting until the other woman was ready to continue. “This was our boat,” remarked the Major, casting her eyes wistfully round the cabin, “My father was the one who taught me to sail and it was always his dream to actually own a boat. So when we finally saved up enough we bought the Flyer here. We’d only had her a couple of years when he died.”
Andrea just nodded understandingly, not really sure what else to say considering she didn’t know the man or the Major come to that. Though she was learning much more about her that day than she had learnt from the previous weeks. She was finally getting a glimpse behind the military exterior to the woman underneath, and she was surprised at the softness that lay there.
“Anyway,” continued the Major, “Enough about me, I’m sure your family are equally as proud of you, what with your academic record and then your career in the police force.”
Andrea couldn’t prevent the scornful laugh that tumbled out. “Hardly. I don’t think they really care what I do.”
“Is that why you never speak to them?”
Andrea’s eyes narrowed. “Been monitoring my calls again have you?”
“You know we do, it’s no secret,” the Major reasoned, “Though in your case it’s the lack of calls that’s more obvious.”
The conversation was getting dangerously close to areas Andrea would rather not talk about – with anyone. “I haven’t spoken to my parents for five years,” she informed the Major succinctly, “And that’s fine by me.”
The Major looked like she wanted to press further since Andrea’s tone suggested she was far from ‘fine’ about it, but in the end it seemed she thought better of it.
“Well, if you do ever want to contact them, just let me know. They might be concerned over your whereabouts at least.”
“That’s fairly unlikely, believe me. So you don’t need to worry about me blabbing anything to them. I’m quite happy with just my friends, at least I can choose them.”
As she said it, Andrea realised that she didn’t actually have that many back in London now - what with Maria being killed so soon after her other friends and colleagues. She had other acquaintances, but no one as close as Maria had been. Her desire to get back to London certainly didn’t burn as intensely as it had when she first arrived at the island base. She was coming to realise that maybe that part of her life was over, that she had new challenges to face now. Though one of those was still finding the answers to how and why her workmates had been killed.
“Talking of friends,” she said, neatly getting off the subject of her family in the same stroke, “I wondered if you’d found out anything more about the warehouse incident. You were going to ask your commanding officer weren’t you, and he was here last week as I recall.”
The Major shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Yes he was,” was all she said in response to begin with.
“Why do I get the impression it wasn’t good news,” Andrea said warily. She was starting to feel on more comfortable ground now it seemed she had the Major on the backfoot. The disconcerting feelings the Major had evoked when they had first sat down were thankfully subsiding.
“I’m sorry, I did ask, but he wasn’t very forthcoming,” the Major revealed.
Andrea could recognise evasion when she saw it. “There was more wasn’t there? What’s going on, why is it all so secret?”
“Honestly, I really don’t know any more than you do.” The frustration was evident in the Major’s tone.
“The Colonel must have said something to get you so nervy,” pressed Andrea, the bit between her teeth now.
The Major pursed her lips together, watching Andrea as she did. “I really shouldn’t be telling you this, in fact I don’t know why I am. I suppose it’s not really revealing anything confidential…”
“Go on.”
“He told me that it is being investigated but that I wasn’t to pursue it.”
“That’s it?” cried Andrea leaping up off the sofa and whirling round to face the Major who remained seating, “And you left it at that? I had you pegged as someone who cared about the truth, who wouldn’t meekly follow orders.”
The Major’s eyes narrowed, though her tone remained even in the face of Andrea’s disparaging remarks. “Sometimes that’s what we have to do, even if we don’t like them.”
“And you don’t like these ones,” deduced Andrea.
“Not really, no.”
“Then do something about it! I’m sure you must have resources, connections – you could find out what’s really going on.”
“I don’t need you to tell me how to do my job,” the Major replied coolly as Andrea continued to call her character into question. She slowly rose from her seat, so she could meet Andrea’s eye, “Surprisingly I managed quite well before you ever came along. Sometimes I think you forget who’s in command here.”
“Don’t take it out on me because you don’t like your superior’s orders,” shot back Andrea, “And here I was thinking we were on first name terms today, but you’re still pulling rank. Would you like me to go back to calling you ‘Major’?”
The Major held her jaw firmly shut. It appeared they just couldn’t seem to help butting heads, even on a supposed relaxing day out. The tension in the air was palpable as they merely stared back at one another, though even this was different to when they had previously argued, Andrea thought. There was an extra something underlying the tension, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Finally Andrea sighed, recognising that she was hardly going to get the Major to help her by being obstinate. “I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job,” she conceded, taking her seat again to try and ease the confrontational atmosphere, “But what have you got to lose by asking a few questions? I’m sure they’re not about to throw you out of the army, even if they are ones they don’t want asked.”
The Major glanced away, watching the clouds out one of the small windows.
“What?” pressed Andrea, “You think they would?” She continued to try and fathom what the Major was thinking from her inscrutable expression. “Wait, did the Colonel intimate as much?”
“Not in so many words,” the Major said slowly, “But there have been a couple of other ‘incidents’ during my career, so I’m not really in the position to start rocking the boat.”
Andrea thought that was an interesting piece of information and one she was surprised the Major had revealed. Here she thought the Major was an upstanding, by-the-book officer, whereas it seemed she actually had a few skeletons in her closet. Andrea filed the information away for another time.
“So that’s it?” she asked with a snort of derision, “I’m just supposed to sit back and forget it ever happened?”
“No, of course not, that’s the last thing you should do. But it’s not like you’ve been looking at your own reaction to it, is it?”
Andrea rolled her eyes. “You’re still banging on about the counselling then?”
“Yes I am, until you see sense and have some!”
“Maybe I don’t need any; maybe I’m fine!”
“And is that why you’ve been having nightmares?”
Andrea was taken aback, wondering how the hell the Major knew. Then she remembered the incident in her quarters a couple of weeks previously when the Major had walked in on her having one of them. While Andrea remained quiet the Major sat back down again too, fixing Andrea keenly with her eyes. Andrea glanced away from the penetrating stare. When the Major spoke she had lowered her voice to a softer tone.
“I’m only suggesting it for your own good. How long are you going to try and struggle on by yourself? Why can’t you admit you might need help? It’s nothing to feel ashamed about - I’ve had counselling myself you know.”
Andrea’s eyes shot up – this really was a day for revelations regarding the Major. “You have? For what?”
The Major seemed unsure whether to answer the exceedingly personal question.
“Sorry, you don’t have to answer,” Andrea quickly added.
“No, it’s all right - it was to do with my father’s death and the circumstances around it,” she disclosed.
Andrea was desperate to know more, this being the second time the Major’s father had cropped up in conversation. However, it seemed that was all the Major was willing to offer up for now. Still it was more than she needed to have done.
“It surprises you to hear me admit to having had counselling?” the Major prompted, still studying Andrea’s face to gauge her reaction.
Andrea felt the intense scrutiny, the disconcerting feelings of earlier beginning to stir again. “Yes,” she replied honestly.
“Well, I don’t broadcast it around to everyone,” conceded the Major, “Though I said there’s nothing wrong with admitting you need help, the average soldier under my command isn’t the most intelligent of people. They’re loyal, honest, hard workers but they’re not known for their brains. So you can imagine what they might start saying if they knew that I had been in counselling for a couple of months prior to my posting here.”
“Right, a sure fire way to start having them doubting your command.”
“Precisely, which is not something I can afford in my position.”
“Then why did you tell me? You realise I could blab it around the base and then you’d be scuppered.”
“Yes, you could,” said the Major, dipping her head in acknowledgement, “I guess I’m going to have to trust you not to say anything aren’t I?”
Andrea could see what the Major had done. She had offered up the personal information about herself, entrusted Andrea with her secret in the hope that the young woman would reciprocate.
“All right,” said Andrea with a sigh, “I’ll go for the counselling.”
“Good, I’m glad.”
Andrea found she was glad too, not something she usually felt when she deferred to someone else.
The Major hadn’t quite finished. “It often takes more courage to swallow your pride and examine your feelings,” she remarked.
As Andrea looked back into the soft blue eyes of the other
woman, she wondered exactly what feelings it was she needed to examine.